While listening to the rain subside and renew its force on the patio corrugated roof, with the sliding door open, amidst the refreshing breeze that brings a blissful salve of moisture through the living room after a humid day in South Africa..my mind races through the last two years of ecstatic fulfillment of falling pregnant and of living the US dream through to the Washington DC quake and hurricane...to the dismal closure of a chapter...I thought we would devoutly see to the end as retiree's in some US Florida or Californian coastline town.
Amidst my beloved hubby's concerned looks over a PC game towards my tear stained face, my little 21 month old little son, Xavier, far in dreamland safely under his Snoopy and Woodstock quilt and a beloved little spaniel x breed, Uska, snoring in absolute blanket-on-sofa luxury......I still can't see the full greatness these puzzle pieces were thrown down to create...I thought it was all pieced together already...its still a little choas..but somewhere there is a picture..i do catch the glimpse now..
You see, I started this blog to capture my feelings and my growth in another country...and somewhere, destiny was not what it was made out to be. As if this whole happening were a paper model plane...grappled by water in mid-air....hit the pavement like a huge wet wad of toilet paper.
This is my hormonal and somewhat distorted view and account of what happened, I promise you no husbands, kids and or pets were harmed in this recollection :)
My dreams of traveling the States were crushed...work was more important than site-seeing...for me it felt at that stage...and what I needed to understand was..I was not the one that paid the bills..Birthdays could not and weren't really celebrated...our anniversary not too important..and well..we never got to have a BabyMoon...I seriously contemplated returning to South Africa..pregnant and all....For business reasons we had to leave Florida.. thus with an overworked, tired and grumpy hubby, I joylessly, and feeling like an overweight blimp, traveled cross-state up north to Virginia state, via some beautiful countryside....I still remember Xaviers' little 2 month old facial expressions and Uska's desperate sniffing as if identifying all news of the day on one road-trip....the first stay over in a couple of hotels with pooch and baby...pretty interesting...me...silently crying and wishing for them just to end, so that I could swallow my next couple of Excedrin migraine tablets with a black cup of coffee..I had no appetite....especially since the normal sleeping patterns had not yet kicked in...and we traveled at least 3-4 hours a day...and the dear little guy slept most of the time. It was a trip and move like this that I certainly needed a good friend, sister or mom to help me with...but we did it, we went through it...we got through it. Not perfect for some people...but the way intended for us to learn from.
Nonetheless we were looked after, we never lacked anything, I learned perseverance, I learned I had more stamina and strength I gave myself credit for. I learned that my gut feeling...that inner voice..my Guardian Angel.....TRUST IT NEVER DOUBT IT!!! No one could ever, ever, ever prove it wrong, more than once this warning proved everyone else wrong...
Eventually arriving in the DC area we moved and stayed in an amazing 2 bedroom fully furnished luxury apartment, in Virginia state, until we could find a home near to the office.. but my state of mind, and just overall dismay at leaving the Sunshine state behind, kind of left my mind clouded...I enjoyed very little......the lack of sleep and hormones that were still in disarray....well, you can negotiate with a terrorist, enough said!!
Hubby found a little dollhouse in Reston, in the Hunterswoods area...it was seriously a fairytale come true..though still not quite myself yet, I still could not see the point to it all....As we settled in and I eventually saw the light..felt the rumble of a 5,8 earthquake and the howling of a hurricane...also the blackout thereafter..and little pooch Uska's cancer had gone into remission for which I am eternally grateful for...also grateful for an amazing pediatrician that confirmed Xavier was a bright little boy with no ADHD something that I had feared....absolutely thankful that this Doctor had the hindsight to mention to me..that had the wisdom to know, I wasn't myself..but had the confidence I placed my baby first no matter what. ..we had to move again..this time...I knew it long before it was ever mentioned..News of no more funds in the company surfaced...and then the lie...we shouldn't be concerned, they found more investors..
I just knew for some reason we were no longer really welcome in the States...for some reason..I knew we had to head back. There were so many warning signs....and I swept it under the mat...new management, new rules...new everything...this time...Columbus, Ohio..but, this time...there were some players in the game that were paid to run the company down...
The traveling was easier this trip round I was more relaxd...Xavi, crawling by now, had great eating and sleeping habits, really made things a lot more comfortable...hubby, truly a little more well-rested, a lot more lovable...his new manager...a brilliant peoples person...to which I owe a ton of gratitude, and learned to call a friend.. . had found a beautiful 2 leveled home. It was to me, a page out of the Garden & Home magazine, the home situated in the newish Grove City, area just outside of Columbus, with neighbors that actually placed a welcome gift in our post box, everything just felt right, everything was perfect, hubby and I found each other again...we grew closer and were able to build up strength again...to make it through something worse...
But in all this...I experienced an envy, a greed and a lie...it was too perfect...and the more I grew to enjoy my days...the more somehow...I was led to believe we made a wrong choice...you see there are no wrong choices...there are life-changing choices. We were supposed to be where we were....in preparation for something bigger. We still are where we should be.
Xaviers first birthday came along, the 13th of March 2012 and with it the unfortunate news...the company was bankrupt...they could do nothing..while some took more than their fair share...others were left literally with nothing....through it friendships of longstanding were ruined..what did they not consider...literally adding to the unemployed of the States..
We voluntarily gave up our home, had our vehicle repossessed, our belongings....wedding gifts, sentimental goods that my late mother had given to me...birthday presents, some of our clothes... we left behind and or gave to an awesome buddy we made...We returned with Xaviers crib, 4 suitcases, and 7 box's. An act of grace and provision for this I am grateful too.
To those that felt obligated to help...because they really just felt it a duty to do so...and sort of wanted to say I told you so....I want to say...we could have asked others too...but we asked you..I also want to say..I will do it again...because I know the overall positive influence was invaluable... and for that yes...I am grateful....for you....I don't think you'll ever be able to comprehend how invaluable it was.
To the friends that really were by our side, and assisted out of absolute friendship and love...Thank you, I know and you know who you are, we will meet up again...the credit law just needs to change...hehehehe!
To the "others" that believe at the instant touch of a delete button any electronic communication removes itself from any cyber trace.....hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.....really!!
I could've said no to this whole experience, but I didn't...because I took the risk, I know, but it was all worth it, and for it I am eternally grateful, eternally grateful I was selected and honored to live through it all, be able to find my feet again, be able to make up for lost time, be able to retrieve great memories, and to know it doesn't matter where I am, I have some great friends...I've lost some people along the way...but know that it was and still is a sifting process..you can't live with dead weight, you can't live with regrets, time cannot wait for anyone...
So you see in the end I could've, but I didn't.....
Amidst my beloved hubby's concerned looks over a PC game towards my tear stained face, my little 21 month old little son, Xavier, far in dreamland safely under his Snoopy and Woodstock quilt and a beloved little spaniel x breed, Uska, snoring in absolute blanket-on-sofa luxury......I still can't see the full greatness these puzzle pieces were thrown down to create...I thought it was all pieced together already...its still a little choas..but somewhere there is a picture..i do catch the glimpse now..
You see, I started this blog to capture my feelings and my growth in another country...and somewhere, destiny was not what it was made out to be. As if this whole happening were a paper model plane...grappled by water in mid-air....hit the pavement like a huge wet wad of toilet paper.
This is my hormonal and somewhat distorted view and account of what happened, I promise you no husbands, kids and or pets were harmed in this recollection :)
My dreams of traveling the States were crushed...work was more important than site-seeing...for me it felt at that stage...and what I needed to understand was..I was not the one that paid the bills..Birthdays could not and weren't really celebrated...our anniversary not too important..and well..we never got to have a BabyMoon...I seriously contemplated returning to South Africa..pregnant and all....For business reasons we had to leave Florida.. thus with an overworked, tired and grumpy hubby, I joylessly, and feeling like an overweight blimp, traveled cross-state up north to Virginia state, via some beautiful countryside....I still remember Xaviers' little 2 month old facial expressions and Uska's desperate sniffing as if identifying all news of the day on one road-trip....the first stay over in a couple of hotels with pooch and baby...pretty interesting...me...silently crying and wishing for them just to end, so that I could swallow my next couple of Excedrin migraine tablets with a black cup of coffee..I had no appetite....especially since the normal sleeping patterns had not yet kicked in...and we traveled at least 3-4 hours a day...and the dear little guy slept most of the time. It was a trip and move like this that I certainly needed a good friend, sister or mom to help me with...but we did it, we went through it...we got through it. Not perfect for some people...but the way intended for us to learn from.
Nonetheless we were looked after, we never lacked anything, I learned perseverance, I learned I had more stamina and strength I gave myself credit for. I learned that my gut feeling...that inner voice..my Guardian Angel.....TRUST IT NEVER DOUBT IT!!! No one could ever, ever, ever prove it wrong, more than once this warning proved everyone else wrong...
Eventually arriving in the DC area we moved and stayed in an amazing 2 bedroom fully furnished luxury apartment, in Virginia state, until we could find a home near to the office.. but my state of mind, and just overall dismay at leaving the Sunshine state behind, kind of left my mind clouded...I enjoyed very little......the lack of sleep and hormones that were still in disarray....well, you can negotiate with a terrorist, enough said!!
Hubby found a little dollhouse in Reston, in the Hunterswoods area...it was seriously a fairytale come true..though still not quite myself yet, I still could not see the point to it all....As we settled in and I eventually saw the light..felt the rumble of a 5,8 earthquake and the howling of a hurricane...also the blackout thereafter..and little pooch Uska's cancer had gone into remission for which I am eternally grateful for...also grateful for an amazing pediatrician that confirmed Xavier was a bright little boy with no ADHD something that I had feared....absolutely thankful that this Doctor had the hindsight to mention to me..that had the wisdom to know, I wasn't myself..but had the confidence I placed my baby first no matter what. ..we had to move again..this time...I knew it long before it was ever mentioned..News of no more funds in the company surfaced...and then the lie...we shouldn't be concerned, they found more investors..
I just knew for some reason we were no longer really welcome in the States...for some reason..I knew we had to head back. There were so many warning signs....and I swept it under the mat...new management, new rules...new everything...this time...Columbus, Ohio..but, this time...there were some players in the game that were paid to run the company down...
The traveling was easier this trip round I was more relaxd...Xavi, crawling by now, had great eating and sleeping habits, really made things a lot more comfortable...hubby, truly a little more well-rested, a lot more lovable...his new manager...a brilliant peoples person...to which I owe a ton of gratitude, and learned to call a friend.. . had found a beautiful 2 leveled home. It was to me, a page out of the Garden & Home magazine, the home situated in the newish Grove City, area just outside of Columbus, with neighbors that actually placed a welcome gift in our post box, everything just felt right, everything was perfect, hubby and I found each other again...we grew closer and were able to build up strength again...to make it through something worse...
But in all this...I experienced an envy, a greed and a lie...it was too perfect...and the more I grew to enjoy my days...the more somehow...I was led to believe we made a wrong choice...you see there are no wrong choices...there are life-changing choices. We were supposed to be where we were....in preparation for something bigger. We still are where we should be.
Xaviers first birthday came along, the 13th of March 2012 and with it the unfortunate news...the company was bankrupt...they could do nothing..while some took more than their fair share...others were left literally with nothing....through it friendships of longstanding were ruined..what did they not consider...literally adding to the unemployed of the States..
We voluntarily gave up our home, had our vehicle repossessed, our belongings....wedding gifts, sentimental goods that my late mother had given to me...birthday presents, some of our clothes... we left behind and or gave to an awesome buddy we made...We returned with Xaviers crib, 4 suitcases, and 7 box's. An act of grace and provision for this I am grateful too.
To those that felt obligated to help...because they really just felt it a duty to do so...and sort of wanted to say I told you so....I want to say...we could have asked others too...but we asked you..I also want to say..I will do it again...because I know the overall positive influence was invaluable... and for that yes...I am grateful....for you....I don't think you'll ever be able to comprehend how invaluable it was.
To the friends that really were by our side, and assisted out of absolute friendship and love...Thank you, I know and you know who you are, we will meet up again...the credit law just needs to change...hehehehe!
To the "others" that believe at the instant touch of a delete button any electronic communication removes itself from any cyber trace.....hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.....really!!
I could've said no to this whole experience, but I didn't...because I took the risk, I know, but it was all worth it, and for it I am eternally grateful, eternally grateful I was selected and honored to live through it all, be able to find my feet again, be able to make up for lost time, be able to retrieve great memories, and to know it doesn't matter where I am, I have some great friends...I've lost some people along the way...but know that it was and still is a sifting process..you can't live with dead weight, you can't live with regrets, time cannot wait for anyone...
So you see in the end I could've, but I didn't.....
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